Funny Leave Applications

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. ..........

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications;) 


· Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:


"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave." 






· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: 
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."


  
· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: 
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."




· From H.A.L. Administration Dept: 
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


  
· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: 
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"




· An incident of a leave letter: 
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


  
· A leave letter to the headmaster: 
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"




· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."




· Covering note: 
"I am enclosed herewith..."




· Another one: 
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."




· Actual letter written for application of leave: 
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".




· Letter writing:- 
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."




· A candidate's job application: 
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

VERY SHORT, MOST EFFECTIVE

30 second Speech by Bryan Dyson (CEO of Coca Cola)

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the Air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.

But the other four Balls - Family, Health, Friends and Spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these; they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it."


WORK EFFICIENTLY DURING OFFICE HOURS AND LEAVE ON TIME. GIVE THE REQUIRED TIME TO YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS & HAVE PROPER REST.

What is Life

Life is full of many

contradictions.

Sometimes

the warmest dawn

can feel cold in spirit.

And sometimes

the sun shines brightest

on the most bitter

winter day.

Life should seek warmth.

It should seek the love

and companionship

of like souls.

It should search for the smile

in the face of tears.

It should search for

friendship & warm glow

in the midst of darkness

Life was never meant to

be lived in solitude.

It was always meant to

be shared.

So in life,

give yourself that second

chance.

Open up to new

friendships.

Give the benefit

of a doubt

when you are not certain.

Live life to the fullest.

Not in what you DO, but

in what you GIVE to others.

And in doing so,

you will find that you are

received more from life

than you ever expected.

Men should not write advice columns

انسانی تعلقات اور نیاگرا آبشار

انسانی تعلقات اور نیاگرا آبشار

وہ جولائی 1847 ایک خوشگوار دن تھا۔ آبشار کا سہانا منظر آنکھوں کی ٹھنڈک کا باعث تھا۔ خوبصورت سرسبز مناظر اور بہتے پانی کی آواز نے ماحول خواب ناک بنا دیا تھا۔ لیکن چارلس ایلیٹ کا ذہن کہیں اور مصروف تھا۔ اسے اس آبشار کو تسخیر کرنا تھا۔ اسے نیاگرا آبشارکے آر پار ہوا میں معلق پل بنانا تھا۔ بس اسے یہ فکر لاحق تھی کہ آخر یہ سب کیسے ہو گا۔



بنیادی سوال یہ تھا کہ آٹھ انچ قطر کی موٹی فولادی زنجیروں کو آبشار کے آر پار کیسے پہنچایا جائے۔آبشار کا بہاؤ تیز تھا وہاں کوئی چیز ٹھہر نہیں سکتی تھی۔ اتنی خطرناک جگہ پر کسی انسان کا تیر کر یہ کام کرنابھی ناممکن نظر آتا تھا۔لامحدود لمبائی کی زنجیریں اس کے پاس تھیں نہیں کہ میلوں دور سے گھوم کے آجاتا۔ بہت سے ناممکن خیالات پر سوچنے کے بعد اچانک اس کے ذہن میں ایک بجلی کوندی۔



اگر یہاں سے ایک پتنگ اڑائی جائے اور اس کے دوسرے سرے کو کسی طرح آبشار کے دوسرے کنارے تک پہنچا دیا جائے تو آبشار کے آرپارایک ڈورحاصل ہو جائے گی۔ اس سے کام چلایا جا سکتا ہے۔ مگر اسے پتنگ بازی بھی تو نہیں آتی تھی۔ اس نے پورے علاقے میں اعلان کروادیا کہ جو بھی سب سے پہلے آبشار کے آرپارایک صحیح سالم ڈور فراہم کرے گا اسے پانچ ڈالر انعام دیا جائے گا۔1847 میں یہ بہت زیادہ انعام تھا۔ علاقے کے لڑکوں کو تو جیسے پتنگ بازی کا ایک بہانہ ہاتھ آ گیا۔



اکثر لڑکے امریکی سائیڈ سے کینیڈا کی طرف پتنگ اڑانے کی کوشش کرتے رہے ۔ مگر15 سالہ ہومان واش کشتی پر بیٹھ کر کینیڈا والی سائیڈ پر چلا گیا اور اس نے وہاں سے امریکہ کی جانب پتنگ اڑانی شروع کر دی۔وہ اپنی پہلی ہی کوشش میں تقریبا کامیاب ہو چلا تھا مگر پتنگ کنارے سے کچھ دور کٹ گئی۔کئی دن تک ایک دوست کے گھر قیام کرنے کے بعد بالآخر ہومان پتنگ کو دوسرے کنارے پر ایک درخت پر اتارنے میں کامیاب ہو گیا۔



یوں اب ان کے پاس آبشار کے آر پار ایک نازک سی ڈور موجود تھی۔چارلس ایلیٹ اور اس کی ٹیم نے جلدی جلدی اس ڈور کے ساتھ ذرا سی موٹی ڈوری باندھی اور اس کو دوسری طرف کھینچ لیا۔ پھر اس کے ساتھ مزید موٹی ڈور ، پھر رسی ، پھر مضبوط رساآر پار پہنچانے میں کامیاب ہو گے۔ اور آخر کار 8 انچ موٹی فولادی زنجیریں آبشار کے آر پار کھینچی جانے لگیں اور جلد ہی ایک مضبوط معلق پل ہوا میں قائم ہو گیا۔



انسانوں کے ایک دوسرے سے تعلقات بھی اسی طرح قائم ہوتے ہیں اور کسی بھی نئے انسانی تعلق میں اس سلسلے کو مدنظر رکھنا مفید ہی نہیں لازمی ہے۔ چنانچہ نیاگرا آبشار کے پل کی مثال کو سامنے رکھتے ہوئے مندرجہ ذیل نکات سامنے آتے ہیں۔



پہلا نکتہ : کسی بھی نئے انسانی تعلق کی ابتدا ایک انتہائی نازک دھاگے سے ہی شروع ہوتی ہے ۔وقت کے ساتھ ساتھ یہ تعلق مضبوط ہوسکتا ہے۔



دوسرا نکتہ: جب یہ دھاگہ دونوںفریقین کے درمیان قائم ہو جاتا ہے تو اس دھاگے پر کچھ ہی وزن لادا جا سکتا ہے۔ اگر اس دھاگے پر اس کی طاقت سے زیادہ بوجھ لاد دیا جائے تو یہ وہیں ٹوٹ جائے گا اور مزید تعلق باقی نہیں رہے گا۔



تیسرا نکتہ : نئے قائم شدہ دھاگے پر سب سے بہترین وزن مزید مضبوط دھاگے کا وزن ہے۔ تاکہ تعلق زیادہ بہتر درجے پر چلا جائے۔



چوتھا نکتہ : رشتے کا ایک مطلب دھاگہ بھی ہے اور ہماری گفتگو میں اسی معنوں میں استعمال بھی ہوتا ہے جیسے یہ بڑا نازک رشتہ ہے۔ یا رشتہ ٹوٹ جانا بھی دھاگے کے معنوں میں ہی استعمال ہوتا ہے۔



پانچواں نکتہ : تعلق توڑنے کے لیے بھی سب سے آسان ابتدائی دھاگے کو توڑنا ہے۔اگر ہم کسی شخص کے متعلق اندازہ کر چکے ہیں کہ اس سے تعلق رکھنا نقصان دہ ہے تو جتنا جلدی تعلق توڑ دیں گے اتنی آسانی سے ٹوٹ جائے گا۔ جتنی دیر لگے گی دھاگے اتنے ہی مضبوط سے مضبوط تر ہوتے جائیں گے اور تعلق توڑنا مشکل تر ہوتا جائے گا۔



مثال : فرض کریں خورشید صاحب کسی نئے آفس میں گئے ہیں اور انہیں ایک مفت فون کرنا ہے کیونکہ اردگرد فون کی سہولت موجود نہیں۔ اب چونکہ ان کا آفس سیکرٹری سے لنک بہت معمولی ہے تو وہ اس سے یونہی مدد نہیں لے سکتے۔ پہلے کچھ لنک بنانا پڑے گا۔ ابتدائی لنک کے لیے وہ اسے کوئی انتہائی معمولی سا کام کہیں گے جو وہ آسانی سے بغیر سوچے ہی انجام دے سکے۔ مثلا اس سے قلم مانگ سکتے ہیں کہ مجھے ایک نمبر لکھنا ہے۔ قلم استعمال کرنے کے بعد اسے انتہائی شکرئیے سے واپس کر دیں۔



اب خورشید صاحب نے اس انسان کو اپنے مفید ہونے کا تازہ دم کردینے والا بہترین احساس دلا دیا ہے۔ چنانچہ ایک باریک سا دھاگا قائم ہو چکا ہے۔اس دھاگے پر اتنا بوجھ تو ڈالا جا سکتا ہے کہ ایک مفت فون کیا جا سکے لیکن اس دھاگے کی وجہ سے آفس سیکرٹری وہاں نوکری کے لیے خورشید صاحب کی سفارش نہیں کر سکتا۔اس دھاگے کو مزید مضبوط بنانے کے لیے خورشید صاحب اسے کوئی مفت پاس یا کوپن ٹائپ چیز آفر کر سکتے ہیں کہ یہ ہماری کمپنی کی طرف سے گفٹ ہے۔ اور یوں تعلق کچھ مزید مضبوط ہو سکتا ہے۔



دوسری طرف اگر آفس سیکرٹری کو خورشید صاحب بالکل پسند نہیں آئے تو اسے چاہیے کہ قلم مانگنے کو ہی رد کر دے ورنہ جوں جوں تعلق آگے بڑھتا جائے گا انکار کرنا مشکل سے مشکل تر ہوتا جائے گا۔


یہی بات کسی حد تک کسی منگنی کے متعلق بھی کہی جا سکتی ہے۔ اگر منگنی کے دوران کسی کو اپنے متوقع ساتھی میں کچھ بنیادی مسائل یا اختلاف نظر آ رہا ہے تو اسے وہیں انکار کر دینا چاہیے ورنہ جوں جوں سفر آگے بڑھتا جائے گا انکار کرنا مشکل سے مشکل تر ہوتا جائے گا ۔

Aaj kal ke bachay

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Online GirlFriends

Orignal Post is here
http://www.geekologie.com/2009/12/discover_the_true_identity_of.php

ابنِ انشاء

ہمارا ملک
ایران میں کون رہتا ہے؟
ایران میں ایرانی قوم رہتی ہے۔
انگلستان میں کون رہتا ہے؟
انگلستان میں انگریز قوم رہتی ہے۔
فرانس میں کون رہتا ہے؟
فرانس میں فرانسیسی قوم رہتی ہے۔
یہ کون سا ملک ہے؟
یہ پاکستان ہے۔
اس میں پاکستانی قوم رہتی ہوگی؟
نہیں اس میں پاکستانی قوم نہیں رہتی
اس میں سندھی قوم رہتی ہے
اس میں پنجابی قوم رہتی ہے
اس میں بنگالی قوم رہتی ہے۔
اس میں یہ قوم رہتی ہے
اس میں وہ قوم رہتی ہے
لیکں پنجابی تو ہندوستان میں‌بھی رہتے ہیں
سندھی تو ہندوستان میں بھی رہتے ہیں
بنگالی تو ہندوستان میں بھی رہتے ہیں
ُپھر یہ ملک الگ کیوں بنایا تھا؟
غلطی ہو گئی، معاف کر دیجئے، آئیندہ نہیں بنایئں گے۔

ابنِ انشاء

How smart is your right Foot

Baba Mujh ko Darr Lagta hia (Poem)

Foxy Shahzadi running away for good

Dr Vincent Ioos and Dr Haroon Khan with the 'Foxy Shahzadi'. —Photo by Tanveer Shahzad

Courtesy (Dawn.com)

Read Full Post here.

Computer Perfume

Letter Of Recommendation

1 Mr. Trever, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2 hard at work in his cubicle. Trevor works independently, without

3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Trevor never

4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended

6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7 breaks. Trevor is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Trevor can be

10 classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be

11 dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Trevor be

12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13 executed as soon as possible.

**Addendum

The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this report.

Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

Apraisal Time Poem

Johny Johny

Yes Papa

Private Company

Yes Papa

Any Motivation

No Papa

Many Tension

Yes Papa

Do u Sleep well

No Papa

Onsite Opportunity

No papa

Boss Ki Galiyan

Yes Papa

Increment

Ha ha ha :-)

A very serious problem :P

Dont tell your secrets to a woman .....

Life has changed

Here i am sitting in my office @ night

Thinking hard about life

How it changed from a maverick college life to strict professional life...

 

How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks

but then why it gives less happiness.

 

How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe

but then why there are less people to use them

 

How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger

But then why there is less hunger..

 

Here i am sitting in my office @ night

Thinking hard about life

How it changed..

 

How a bike always in reserve changed to bike always on

but then why there are less places to go on

 

How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day

but then why its feels like shop is far away..

 

How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package

but then why there are less calls & more messages

 

Here i am sitting in my office @ night

Thinking hard about life

How it changed...

 

How a general class journey changed to Flight journey

But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment.

 

How a old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop

but then why there is less time to put it on.

 

How a small bunch of friends changed to office mate

But then why we always feel lonely n miss those college frnz..

 

Here i am sitting in my office @ night

Thinking hard about life

How it changed.. How it changed..

Pakistan mein shor dala hua hai aur khud ....

Free ho to makhian maro ... :P

ICC Umpire of the Year 2009

Pakistan's Aleem Dar was named Umpire of the Year at the ICC Awards in Johannesburg. Dar, 41, was voted for this award by the 10 Full-Member captains as well as the eight-man Elite Panel of match referees, based on his decision statistics over the last 12 months.
It was the first time he had received an ICC award, and he collected the trophy from ICC chief executive Haroon Lorgat. "I am very pleased to get this award," Dar said. "Thanks to the PCB and ICC, as well as my friends and family and of course my wife, who I have to leave for long periods of time.

"Normally I am quite calm and so the pressure is not big for me. It is important to stay cool and if you make a mistake you can't let it get to you. You have to concentrate all the time."

Dar, who made his international debut as an umpire in 2000, joined the Elite Panel in 2004. He beat strong competition from his colleagues Asad Rauf, Tony Hill and five-time ICC Umpire of the Year Simon Taufel. In the voting period of these awards, Dar stood in seven Tests and eight ODIs, as well as the World Twenty20 in England.

Taken From: cricinfo.com

Performance Pressure by the Boss

Perha Likha Punjab

Daska - Government MC Girls School

This is how we are treating our future ....

Qualification Vs Looks

Happy Eid Greetings to all

Kabootar Vs Computer

Talent of Pathans

Pathans can do anything :P

Men Are Honourable

Must Read for Every Men and of course Women.

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. 

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE. 

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE, You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. 

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE."

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and men're sticking to it! -

"MEN ARE HONOURABLE!!!!!!"

I am a Father

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.


The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.


The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "


The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."


The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "


The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.


The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,



"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar." ...

Birthday Gift for Wife

Wife mentioned to her husband that for her birthday,

She would like something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in four seconds.

She was expecting something like this............









But her husband presented her with something very different...












The husband is in a critical but stable condition in ICU!

Happy Ramazan

Aisa bhi hota hai

Money is Honey

May I know the time please?

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,
if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?



Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me.Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?



Young Man: Possible

Old Man: Then I will tell you that my daughter has made it and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles. ;)

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and star waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a Watch..

A nice dua for my country Pakistan

Enjoy while eating

I Love my Pakistan

Why Pappu failed ?

Yeh Kia ho raha hai ...

Unique Date and Time

Unique Date and Time on 7th August, 2009 at noon. It was consective numbers from 1 to 9.

An idea can change your life but ...

An IDEA Can Change Your Life ...
But, A Girl Can Change Your IDEA !!!!

Crazy Indian Teacher Punishing Students

Meeting: Company Lunch Decision

[caption id="attachment_48" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="aaj kia pakaya jaey ?"][/caption]

Hamaray Siyasat-daan

Wafadaar Kutta

Underpass becomes swimming pool

[caption id="attachment_36" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Geo WASA"][/caption]

Nishana lagao

[caption id="attachment_32" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Suggest your caption in the comments"][/caption]

Kha lay, Pee lay, Jee lay

[caption id="attachment_28" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Khao pio mazay urao"][/caption]

Handling Stress

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested."

You can apply this positive tip to both your personal and professional life...and please PASS IT ON!

Have a Nice Day…..

Long Term Benefits

[caption id="attachment_20" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Long Term Benefits"][/caption]

Beauty

This is Life

When there is no friend,
When life is on the dead end,
When world is not a paradise,
When your confidence dies,
Tell yourself - Go on, THIS IS LIFE!

When things don't go right,
When there is no ray of light,
And its too hard to survive,
Tell yourself - Go on, THIS IS LIFE!

When there is competition to face,
When you are lagging behind in the race,
When you've lost faith in God,
When you're betrayed by a fraud,
Tell yourself - Go on, THIS IS LIFE!

When others don't respect you,
When you're not amongst the admirable few,
When for a question, you can't find a solution,
When all you're sure about, is confusion,
Tell yourself - Go on, THIS IS LIFE!

When your destination is miles apart,
When you don't know where to start,
When all you see around is pain,
When your hard work is in vain,
Tell yourself - Go on, THIS IS LIFE!

Even though all this happens
just have faith in self & face the life
with smile,
things will surely change one day
because as said THIS IS LIFE ...

Code Dancing Girl

[caption id="attachment_11" align="aligncenter" width="350" caption="Code Dance"][/caption]

Suggest the title of the pic

Pakistani Police at high alert

[caption id="attachment_3" align="aligncenter" width="450" caption="Pakistani Police"][/caption]

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